Remember

When I turned 40, I was tickled pink at the novelty of it all. At least 7 of my closest friends were turning 40 the same year and it was quite a hilarious discussion amongst us all. I particularly didn't see what all the hullaballoo was all about. I practically felt and looked 20 ( okay a tad exaggeration here) and didn't see why anyone would classify me as ancient.

My body still felt the same; young, vibrant and supple. I've been blessed with good health so I couldn't understand what some of my friends were going through. Fast forward to two years later, and I literally feel like a dinosaur with a bad temper to match...

In the past year, everything that was missing in my life became a gaping hole which I felt everyone could see. I hated the litany of ' Madam" that seemed to pour out of everyone's lips when they greeted me. I sat for hours in front of the mirror trying to figure out where wrinkles were and how best to slow down this natural process; even though I couldn't find a single line on my face.

My career seemed to be in limbo... dragging endlessly and constantly hitting the newly formed glass ceiling. I was paralyzed with fear when I realised that I was beginning to compete for the same roles with younger colleagues! My self-confidence as a successful career woman ( or so I thought) began to crumble like a pack of cards...To make it even more appalling, I began to cringe every single time I had to fill out a form and declare my marital status as single. I began to see forms as a wicked plan by conniving men and women to ridicule me for my lack of a "Mrs" title. And church? Ah, that was the worst. When people start to greet you with a courtesy then you know you are truly and officially a church mother! A new desperation began to form in the pit of my stomach. Inside of me, something began to cry out to be recognized. "Don't rule me out yet" it screamed silently, but it seemed the world is going way too fast to pay attention. I cried silently and openly, I couldn't care less who saw and wondered if I was slowly losing it...

I sit in church and stare blankly at the Preacher... nothing made sense... I've heard the promises...I know the word... I know God can do the impossible... yet... I couldn't believe He wanted to do anything spectacular in my life... I wondered if my dreams of having children were turning to ashes in my hands,... I wondered... I cried... I mourned...I forgot...

Yes... I forgot...until this morning.. as I was driving to work... I heard His still small voice tell me "Daughter... you have so much to be thankful for.. count them... list them out... be thankful...I can't reach you in this state... open up the door of thanksgiving so I can come in".

True shame flooded my heart. How could I have forgotten? If I began to recount all my blessings... especially things I took for granted. For instance, the fact that my twenty-something-year-old nephews think I'm a cool aunt and love to hang out with me...that I have friends who would never give me up nor give up on me... or a family who loves me unconditionally, even when I'm being the pesky baby sister.. or a job where I am respected and revered...

I don't know how many of you are going through what I'm going through... I have one word for you... REMEMBER!!!! Don't forget! Count your blessings. You have more going for you than against you. God loves you. You count! You matter! You're not here by accident! You are part of God's awesome plan. Stand still... and find your place in Him and His plan. Buckle your seat belts, because you are about to start the adventure of your life. God is not through with you yet... REMEMBER Abraham, Sarah, Elizabeth, Israel, Joseph, Esther, Ruth, Rahab... REMEMBER!